Comments on: The silences of psychotherapy http://thetoptwoinches.wordpress.com/2007/12/02/the-silences-of-psychotherapy/ Wed, 11 Nov 2009 15:45:52 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: Dr.Steve http://thetoptwoinches.wordpress.com/2007/12/02/the-silences-of-psychotherapy/#comment-125 Dr.Steve Sun, 09 Dec 2007 00:17:00 +0000 http://thetoptwoinches.wordpress.com/2007/12/02/the-silences-of-psychotherapy/#comment-125 adrivahni - Perhaps. You're one heck of a writer, though! adrivahni – Perhaps. You’re one heck of a writer, though!

]]> By: adrivahni http://thetoptwoinches.wordpress.com/2007/12/02/the-silences-of-psychotherapy/#comment-123 adrivahni Sat, 08 Dec 2007 23:41:26 +0000 http://thetoptwoinches.wordpress.com/2007/12/02/the-silences-of-psychotherapy/#comment-123 Dr. Steve: I'll try not to be hard on myself for being terrible at not being hard on myself. Sarah: thanks for the advice. It probably is a matter of trust. After one of the sessions I wrote: "He asks a question and I sit there in paralyzed silence, staring dumbly at my hands, while my interior world turns into a scene from one of those old WWII submarine movies, when the sub is hit with a depth charge and all of a sudden there are claxons ringing, horns going awooOOOOooga, frantic crewmen scurrying everywhere, doors and hatches slamming shut, and someone yelling "Dive, dive!!!"." I've got a ways to go I guess. Dr. Steve: I’ll try not to be hard on myself for being terrible at not being hard on myself.

Sarah: thanks for the advice. It probably is a matter of trust. After one of the sessions I wrote:
“He asks a question and I sit there in paralyzed silence, staring dumbly at my hands, while my interior world turns into a scene from one of those old WWII submarine movies, when the sub is hit with a depth charge and all of a sudden there are claxons ringing, horns going awooOOOOooga, frantic crewmen scurrying everywhere, doors and hatches slamming shut, and someone yelling “Dive, dive!!!”.”

I’ve got a ways to go I guess.

]]> By: Dr.Steve http://thetoptwoinches.wordpress.com/2007/12/02/the-silences-of-psychotherapy/#comment-117 Dr.Steve Sat, 08 Dec 2007 02:37:59 +0000 http://thetoptwoinches.wordpress.com/2007/12/02/the-silences-of-psychotherapy/#comment-117 sarah - great to have you on board! Your book looks real interesting. One of the things I love about day-to-day life in the US is the local diner, long may it prosper. sarah – great to have you on board! Your book looks real interesting. One of the things I love about day-to-day life in the US is the local diner, long may it prosper.

]]> By: Sarah Rolph http://thetoptwoinches.wordpress.com/2007/12/02/the-silences-of-psychotherapy/#comment-114 Sarah Rolph Fri, 07 Dec 2007 19:57:37 +0000 http://thetoptwoinches.wordpress.com/2007/12/02/the-silences-of-psychotherapy/#comment-114 adrivahni: This is really just an echo of Dr. Steve's last comment, but I'd like to add to it. Therapy really is very weird, and you are not doing anything wrong. Not being able to talk yet is part of the process for you. The way you are when you're silent, what it took for you to mention this, how you said that, what happens next, these are all aspects of the process. You're doing important work just by showing up and putting up with the weirdness. Sounds odd, but that's my experience. The "therapeutic alliance" takes time to form (especially in light of the business relationship, as you rightly point out), and these small things that seem invisible are the way it happens. The same is true for your internal process. There's a reason you aren't talking. It's perfectly appropriate to honor that reason--you're there for YOU, and if what you need is to stay silent until you trust this person more, or trust your own feelings, or whatever it may be, there is nothing wrong with that. There is no right way to do therapy, what matters is to find the courage to do it at all. Good for you for being there! I happen to be one of those people for whom therapy was very fun and natural. As Dr. Steve notes in this post, eventually (and more than I realized until later), that was itself a problem! Pretty funny, all in all. Dr. Steve, I love your blog. Just wandered over from ShrinkWrapped and will make this a regular stop. I am a writer interested in psychology, so your blog is so perfect. I have a goal to become more fit, too! Time for some push-ups. I mean, a push-up.... or a push-up stance... gotta start somewhere!! adrivahni: This is really just an echo of Dr. Steve’s last comment, but I’d like to add to it. Therapy really is very weird, and you are not doing anything wrong. Not being able to talk yet is part of the process for you. The way you are when you’re silent, what it took for you to mention this, how you said that, what happens next, these are all aspects of the process. You’re doing important work just by showing up and putting up with the weirdness. Sounds odd, but that’s my experience. The “therapeutic alliance” takes time to form (especially in light of the business relationship, as you rightly point out), and these small things that seem invisible are the way it happens. The same is true for your internal process. There’s a reason you aren’t talking. It’s perfectly appropriate to honor that reason–you’re there for YOU, and if what you need is to stay silent until you trust this person more, or trust your own feelings, or whatever it may be, there is nothing wrong with that. There is no right way to do therapy, what matters is to find the courage to do it at all. Good for you for being there!

I happen to be one of those people for whom therapy was very fun and natural. As Dr. Steve notes in this post, eventually (and more than I realized until later), that was itself a problem! Pretty funny, all in all.

Dr. Steve, I love your blog. Just wandered over from ShrinkWrapped and will make this a regular stop. I am a writer interested in psychology, so your blog is so perfect. I have a goal to become more fit, too! Time for some push-ups. I mean, a push-up…. or a push-up stance… gotta start somewhere!!

]]> By: Dr.Steve http://thetoptwoinches.wordpress.com/2007/12/02/the-silences-of-psychotherapy/#comment-100 Dr.Steve Wed, 05 Dec 2007 17:24:11 +0000 http://thetoptwoinches.wordpress.com/2007/12/02/the-silences-of-psychotherapy/#comment-100 adrivahni - Good stuff! One further idea. It is often the case that a client thinks: If only I could do X then I'd be able to make good use of the therapy, when actually being able to do X is precisely why they're in therapy; when they're able to do X they'll be cured! What I mean is, it's good to work hard, but don't be hard on your self for not being able to do something. Yet. adrivahni – Good stuff! One further idea. It is often the case that a client thinks: If only I could do X then I’d be able to make good use of the therapy, when actually being able to do X is precisely why they’re in therapy; when they’re able to do X they’ll be cured! What I mean is, it’s good to work hard, but don’t be hard on your self for not being able to do something. Yet.

]]> By: adrivahni http://thetoptwoinches.wordpress.com/2007/12/02/the-silences-of-psychotherapy/#comment-95 adrivahni Wed, 05 Dec 2007 10:05:24 +0000 http://thetoptwoinches.wordpress.com/2007/12/02/the-silences-of-psychotherapy/#comment-95 Dr. Steve and Evan, thank you for your suggestions. This week, I did manage to talk to my therapist about the more meta levels of this process. It is on the personal levels that I still find myself unable to talk, despite his reassurances and my own inner exhortations to speak up. It is very frustrating in a catch-22 sort of way. If I knew how to be open about my problems I probably wouldn't have them in the first place. And I don't understand how a "therapeutic alliance" is to be forged from what is on one level just another commercial transaction. Anyway. He did persuade me to try a little longer before quitting the sessions. If only there were a "talk" switch I could just toggle to "on", it would save us both a lot of trouble. Thank you both again for your replies. They helped. Dr. Steve and Evan, thank you for your suggestions. This week, I did manage to talk to my therapist about the more meta levels of this process. It is on the personal levels that I still find myself unable to talk, despite his reassurances and my own inner exhortations to speak up. It is very frustrating in a catch-22 sort of way. If I knew how to be open about my problems I probably wouldn’t have them in the first place. And I don’t understand how a “therapeutic alliance” is to be forged from what is on one level just another commercial transaction.

Anyway. He did persuade me to try a little longer before quitting the sessions. If only there were a “talk” switch I could just toggle to “on”, it would save us both a lot of trouble.

Thank you both again for your replies. They helped.

]]> By: Evan Hadkins http://thetoptwoinches.wordpress.com/2007/12/02/the-silences-of-psychotherapy/#comment-92 Evan Hadkins Tue, 04 Dec 2007 23:07:41 +0000 http://thetoptwoinches.wordpress.com/2007/12/02/the-silences-of-psychotherapy/#comment-92 adrivahni. I know how weird therapy looks if you've never come across it before. One thing I want of therapy is for it to get closer to real life. If you are comfortable with anger you may like to voice it before you leave (if you are feeling angry that is). Ther therapists job in one way is to be different to everywhere else, in the right way. If they are as bewildering as everything else this is a real cause for concern. I hope the therapist you are with can meet you or that you find someone who can. Good therapy can be tremendously liberating. adrivahni.

I know how weird therapy looks if you’ve never come across it before. One thing I want of therapy is for it to get closer to real life.

If you are comfortable with anger you may like to voice it before you leave (if you are feeling angry that is).

Ther therapists job in one way is to be different to everywhere else, in the right way. If they are as bewildering as everything else this is a real cause for concern. I hope the therapist you are with can meet you or that you find someone who can. Good therapy can be tremendously liberating.

]]> By: Dr.Steve http://thetoptwoinches.wordpress.com/2007/12/02/the-silences-of-psychotherapy/#comment-73 Dr.Steve Mon, 03 Dec 2007 17:14:18 +0000 http://thetoptwoinches.wordpress.com/2007/12/02/the-silences-of-psychotherapy/#comment-73 adrivahni - How frustrating for you. May I make one suggestion? You say that you're "about" to quit the therapy. If you could bring yourself to first say something about this discussion you and I are having to your therapist a lot of good might come out of it. It will give your therapist a chance to address your concerns and maybe retrieve the therapy; it will allow you to leave - if that's what you decide - feeling that at least you've had your say; and it may even be reparative for you to speak about something important and difficult to the other person concerned. adrivahni – How frustrating for you. May I make one suggestion? You say that you’re “about” to quit the therapy. If you could bring yourself to first say something about this discussion you and I are having to your therapist a lot of good might come out of it. It will give your therapist a chance to address your concerns and maybe retrieve the therapy; it will allow you to leave – if that’s what you decide – feeling that at least you’ve had your say; and it may even be reparative for you to speak about something important and difficult to the other person concerned.

]]> By: adrivahni http://thetoptwoinches.wordpress.com/2007/12/02/the-silences-of-psychotherapy/#comment-71 adrivahni Mon, 03 Dec 2007 14:18:15 +0000 http://thetoptwoinches.wordpress.com/2007/12/02/the-silences-of-psychotherapy/#comment-71 I am someone who has largely been unable to speak in therapy and who is about to quit for that reason. I agree with your point that therapists need to teach their clients (or at least clients like me) how to make therapy work. "What happens in the therapy room is weird". Exactly. Everything about the sessions has been bewildering to me, and I feel as lost there as I do everywhere else. I am someone who has largely been unable to speak in therapy and who is about to quit for that reason. I agree with your point that therapists need to teach their clients (or at least clients like me) how to make therapy work.

“What happens in the therapy room is weird”. Exactly. Everything about the sessions has been bewildering to me, and I feel as lost there as I do everywhere else.

]]> By: The silences of psychotherapy http://thetoptwoinches.wordpress.com/2007/12/02/the-silences-of-psychotherapy/#comment-67 The silences of psychotherapy Mon, 03 Dec 2007 01:08:21 +0000 http://thetoptwoinches.wordpress.com/2007/12/02/the-silences-of-psychotherapy/#comment-67 [...] Earl Grey`s Black Hat SEO Forum and SEOBlackhat SEM Community - The first and leading Resource on Bl... placed an interesting blog post on The silences of psychotherapy [...] [...] Earl Grey`s Black Hat SEO Forum and SEOBlackhat SEM Community – The first and leading Resource on Bl… placed an interesting blog post on The silences of psychotherapy [...]

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