This is the next in a series of posts on the mystery of the non-sexual marriage. Today I consider the vexed subject of homosexuality in marriage.
There are several variables.
1. One or both spouses is homosexual
2. Conscious vs unconscious homosexuality
3. If conscious, in or out of the closet
4. If out of the closet, an agreed arrangement between spouses
One possible variant: an out homosexual man and a woman who is either afraid of sex or is sexually repressed.
However, the versions I’m concerned with today are the covert ones where there’s some blindness going on.
Say, he’s homosexual and knows it (and is probably having sex with men – see forthcoming post) but she kows nothing of this.
Or, he has sex with men but doesn’t consider himself gay.
There are two key honesty-activities that are needed here.
First, some serious waking-up is needed – stop lying to yourself. Get some therapy and figure out which of the several options I mention matches you.
Second, decide what, if anything to do about it. There are homosexual men who choose not to come out because of what it might do to the family. This is a moral decision which only they can make. (Though because of the human propensity of avoidance it would be good to think this through with a therapist – preferably not a gay or religious therapist who may have an agenda.)